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 Post subject:
Bush slims his CD collection |
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Bush begrudgingly eliminates Kanye West from CD collection.
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Washington, D.C. -- Despite being a longtime fan, President Bush begrudgingly threw away his entire collection of Kanye West CDs last week, a private reaction to the harsh criticisms voiced by West during a Hurricane Katrina relief benefit concert broadcast on live network television in early September.
"Man, I'm really gonna miss blasting K-dog's rhymes through the Oval Office late-night, but what can I do? No brother that fronts like that on me is getting spun in the White House," said Bush, taking one last look at the liner notes from his copy of West's award-winning debut album, The College Dropout, before dropping it into a nearby trash can. "This sucks – just when I was this close to memorizing all the words to Late Registration, too. Oh well – adios, Kanye. Fuckin' terrorist."
West fell out of favor with the 43rd President when the Grammy-winning hip-hop star, appearing alongside comedian Michael Myers on the benefit concert stage, strayed from the pre-scripted teleprompter text, calling Bush a racist and slamming his administration for being slow to help poor and black people in need during the Katrina catastrophe. "George Bush doesn't care about black people," West stated.
In addition to throwing out copies of West's solo albums and mixtapes – The College Dropout, Late Registration, Early Enrollment, Get Well Soon and The Lost Tapes – Bush also discarded every CD from artists who employed West as a guest vocalist or producer.
"Jay-Z, Ludacris, Twizta, Jamie Foxx, Common, Talib Kweli – man, I can't believe I've got to dump all of these bad-ass emcees' records," Bush said, taking one last look at each of his beloved hip-hop discs before stacking them in a small cardboard box marked "K. West-lovers." "Oh Christ, I almost forgot, I've got to ditch my Dilated Peoples discs! I can't believe I won't be able to listen to my Peoples anymore. What in the world am I going to listen to around here when I'm throwin' down or having folks over to my crib?"
Also on the chopping block were releases by Brandy, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey and Alicia Keys.
"Can't say that I give a shit about losing these [discs]," Bush said, plucking the female artists' discs from the vertical racks that house the President's 4,000-plus CD catalog, which includes as much old school rap as modern mainstream hip-hop and pop. "Yeah, like I'm really going to miss this Alicia Keys album. Hell, the only reason I bought it in the first place was because of Kanye's writing credit on 'You Don't Know My Name.' The rest of that album isn't fit for John Kerry's stereo."
Having finished stripping any trace of the influential rapper's work from his CD collection, the President ordered a small team of secret service agents to strip each and every wall of the White House of his many Kanye West wall posters.
Worried that his agents may not share his keen knowledge of today's hip-hop scene, Bush barked: "Kanye's the one not wearing any bling – the one that looks like he can actually read. Just don't touch the guys that look like street gang leaders and you should be okay."
"[If] anybody pulls down my Ludacris poster, their ass is grass," added Bush. "Unless one of you saw him on national television talking smack about me." |
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